the conway channel



This talk explains how to adapt the Perl programming language to quantum computing and vice versa, with applications for prime generation, list membership testing, maxima and minima detection, string comparison, and winning the office football pool, all in constant time without loops or recursion.

Along the way, we'll also touch on the physics of chocolate, parallel programming, motor racing, the Scottish vegan movement, ancient Latin, Mick Jagger's love life, winter sports, the secret of the humble potato, fashion modelling, anagrammatic encryption, modern German, cruelty to animals, and the antics of the 1930's chapter of